Tag Archives: spring clean

Mind the Gap

I watched a BBC documentary on The Taj Mahal Palace, one of the best hotels in the world located in Mumbai according to the documentary. It certainly looked the part. The opulence and the service was certainly worth the thousands a stay would set you back by. This struck me but what struck me more was the homeless families who made their home outside the walls of the hotel. The poor women who sold recycled flowers to make enough to feed their children. Where were the men who fathered those children I wondered? If the Taj was so successful, couldn’t it be charitable enough to feed its resident poor? How could the guests stand to walk (or more likely drive) in past those poor wretches into such luxury?

This sort of wealth inequity is replicated all over the world of course. The less industrialised the nation, the more likely you are to see scenes like these replicated. In Yola where I come from, this is very much in evidence. It is not unusual to see a huge mansion complete with high surrounding walls, an impressive iron gate manned by gatemen and perfectly manicured hedges sitting next to a hut, little more than a lean-to with dry barren land surrounding it and the inhabitant(s) unable to afford 3 square meals and clean drinking water.

When I was little, we would have bouts of feeling charitable and go visit one of those poor homes. Most of them are inhabited by single old women. Some were called witches because of their social isolation or maybe because of their disdain for some of our archaic cultural norms. Many are just poor and alone, without a benefactor to lift them out of abject poverty. A good proportion were quite old and really did need a hand. My friend and I would go in and give their hut a spring clean, refill their water pots (their lounde) and clear out accumulated rubbish. We would leave with their prayers for us and our mothers ringing in our ears. These women managed because they had neighbours like us who would go in periodically and help out.

That is one thing I love about Yola. By Yola I mean Yola town. Not the metropolis that is Jimeta which has lost most of its old school community (or maybe being ‘new’ never got a chance to form the same bonds). No one can deny that poverty is pervasive in the society there but actually, so is charity. It is imbedded in our culture to look after our neighbours. No one in Yola that I know of has ever died of starvation (malnourishment is a different kettle of fish). If your neighbour struggles to find a meal, they could simply turn up at meal times and they would get fed.

I remember one of our dear matriarchs who had little herself always fed more than just herself and her dependents. We always had food to eat at hers even though she was poor herself. When we went to see her before we went off to boarding school, she would ask for forgiveness (in case she died before we came back) and forgive us any infractions then she would rummage under her mat and give us some of her precious savings so we could buy something. We would demure unfailingly but we also knew we had to take it. Because not to take it would be seen as disrespectful and a sign we did not value her loving gesture.

This was 2 decades ago. Things are changing but charity is still very much alive. I am not sure whether the local children are still doing what we did back then but I sincerely hope so. Especially because as religion and politics become more and more of an issue and many of those in our communities claim to be religious. Well then. If that is true, true poverty should never be an issue. Islamically, Zakat is part of our core duties, one of the 5 pillars of Islam.

“Be steadfast in prayer and regular in charity: And whatever good ye send forth for your souls before you, ye shall find it with Allah”                                        Qur’an Chapter 2 Verse 110

For any Muslim who can afford to support their living themselves and have something left over, they should donate 2.5% of their wealth to those who are in need. This is Zakat. Imagine if in a society like Nigeria where an estimated 50% of the population (87 million) are Muslims. Now imagine that about half of them can afford to pay Zakat. If even half of those (20 million) contributed 2.5% of their wealth to a community fund that was well-managed, things would be so different. So I challenge the practising Muslims who preach all things good to sit up and remember this core duty of ours. More than a billion Muslims across the globe, a good proportion with enough wealth to alleviate poverty all around them. Let’s do it people!

It is Not a Popularity Contest

Some people have thousands of friends (and followers) on Facebook (FB) and it makes them happy because it makes them feel popular. Or maybe they truly are friends with that many people. Lord only knows how they would have the time to have so many friends. What with so few hours in the day and probably needing to do something to earn a living (work anyone?).  But anyway, if you have that many friends, good on you, you social butterfly you.

At one point, I had more than 500 FB friends. I cannot remember what inspired me to look through my list of friends about a year after joining FB and I realised how many ‘friends’ I had not spoken to, called, text or even heard any news about in over a year. And how that lack of contact did not affect me in any way. Which led me to the conclusion that a fair few were not really friends. Hardly even acquaintances. So what did I do? A deletion binge. I looked through the list of friends and if I was struggling to remember how we met, they were deleted. I also deleted everyone I had not had any interaction with in over a year and those who were friends of friends who had added me and I felt obliged to accept but had actually never said a personal word to (virtually or in reality). At the end of my binge, I had less than 200 friends. That was nearly 300 friends who had access to a lot of personal pictures and thoughts and insight into my life that I had got rid of. I also then made my FB settings more secure. People cannot read many of my posts unless we are linked. They cannot see most of my pictures and they cannot send me private messages in many cases (if they do, I have set it up so it goes into a ‘spam’ folder). This experience was so cathartic, I now fondly think of it as my ‘spring clean’.

The spring clean is now an annual event. It is not always in the spring mind. It is whenever I have a quiet moment but usually once a year. Since this ritual started, I have noticed one thing. I don’t get ‘spammy’ messages on my wall anymore. I do not get ‘friends’ judging me because as a Muslim, I choose not to wear a scarf. Or those who judge me for cutting my hair. Or for expressing my candid opinions on politics, religion, gender equality, relationships, sexuality and other controversial issues. I do not have to defend anything I post on FB because what you see is what you get with me. If any of those who have made the cut decide to go all judgemental on me, I am not shy pressing the unfriend button. I mean, there are plenty of strangers out there who could (and do) judge me for all the wrong reasons. My race, my colour, my religion, my accent, my slim build, my honesty, my kindness etc. I think those I choose to label as my friends should be able to take me as I am. Of course, they are unlikely to love every aspect of me (let’s face it, even my dearest mama doesn’t love my stubborn resolve or my willingness to take on fights/arguments). They are entitled to their own opinions and they can debate their point of view but if we end up at an impasse, I expect them to be able to agree to disagree.

Lastly, being human with all of my flaws, sometimes I unfriend people who may have good reason to disappear off FB. God knows that I have done that on occasion so perhaps it is not a lack of friendship between us two. In some cases, I find that out and I add them back on. I will also accept them back on should they request me after I have unfriended them. In a nutshell, what I realised when the spring clean commenced was that if I do not surround myself with too many ‘friends’, I will expose myself to less B.S.

N.B although FB has many drawbacks, it does allow me my spring clean. Much harder to do in real life although in real life, I am not friends with people I do not get on with genuinely. One advantage of being a busy paediatric doctor is that my social life is limited so I have to choose carefully how I spend my precious time. Therefore, only true friends remain naturally. In reality, I would probably say I have less than 50 proper friends and of those, less than 10 that I would not hesitate to call and say I need you or can I come round for a cuppa? Less than 10 who I would call with good news as soon as I get it. Less than 10 who would know about all of my major upcoming life events. Less than 10 that I would not mind seeing whenever they or I needed to spend time together. The few who would always have my shoulder to cry on, my ears to listen and my laughter to share. Those who have an open invite to stay at mine should they need to. Those are my true friends. How lucky I am to have those few special ones in my life.